This is my 2nd draft of my poem. I feel decent about it, but I feel like it sounds kinda weird and doesn’t accomplish what it’s supposed to. My questions would be if the poem makes sense about what I’m trying to show, if it even sounds like a poem, and if I have parts that are choppy or need changing.
That Was I
I was that little boy you saw,
That warm night at Lewis fields
Wearing a helmet way too big for my tiny little head,
Excitedly scampering across the dirt
as my mom cheered me on.
I would run back to the dugout,
Being greeted by high fives from my teammates,
a “good job” but with coaching
from my dad. Yes, that was I.
I was that kid who was crying,
carrying my bag, walking back to the car,
ashamed of my performance that night,
and thinking I could never be good enough.
I would wonder if I could even play
as the dirt on my shirt mixed with tears running off my face,
feeling disappointed in myself, that I had failed
My team, and my dad. Yes, that was I.
And that was I you saw that evening
Wearing a dirty jersey with pants,
Standing on a piece of rubber on a mound.
Smelling the freshly cut grass, seeing the smooth, raked dirt.
I wasn’t thinking about the current game being played,
But instead about the end, knowing that one day,
I would have to hang my cleats up one last time,
set my glove down one last time,
Play the game one last time. Yes, that was I.